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I did it with the Bachelor, so I thought it would only be fair to judge the men for the twelfth season of the Bachelorette.

Grant the firefighter. He looks like one of those douches who wears his fireman’s outfit in his Tinder profile. You can tell he makes loads of firemen quips referring to his cock. “Slide down my pole”.

Jordan is that family member who gets pissy about their older brother at any chance. And the way he said making love his priority was like he said he needed to work on his biceps.

Alex, no sense of direction in college. Hmm you are on the Bachelorette. Nothing has changed Alex. Yet another one obsessed with his brother.

James S. the superfan. Something isn’t quite right here. Closet case.Bended knee for a proposal?? more like for a dick.

Speaking of dick, Evan specializes in limp ones. Evan may know all about viagra but he looks like he cyberbullies 14 year old tweens on Instagram.

Ali looks like he could go all the way. He actually seems normal. He needs to lose the shyness. Plus being from Iran is like TV Gold.

Christian is boring. Somebody who gets up at 3.30 to work out has no life. Foreplay to this guy is probably Jojo streaming off a bunch compliments about his body.

Luke looks like he would feed you to his pigs after a date. Serial killer eyes. He will probably skin that unicorn too.

Derek has done his research. He probably has a whole file dedicated to her season.

James F. put no effort into his meeting.

Robby knows the way to Jojo’s heart is by remembering a family ritual. Especially when her ‘at home visit’ went so badly.

Will clearly did some stand up classes. The whole note drop thing was awkward to watch.

Chad is intense. Like Fifty Shades of bat shit crazy. If they have any physical challenges he will probably break somebody’s leg for her.

Daniel is a tool, you can just tell.

James Taylor, THIS IS NOT THE VOICE. He on the UP. Love how he assumes she can’t play the guitar.

Jonathan, Guys who wear kilts just want you think about their dick. NO

Santa, something not right about this one. You in danger girl

Chase seems normal. A bit cheesy but you kinda have to start that way on this show. Remember Jojo turned up as a unicorn.

A little bit about Jake. He isn’t going to make it far. Old.

Sal and his blue balls was just weird. No point to it.

Cole, all we seen was his cheesy real estate line so I’ll let him pass.

Nick  S. this is isn’t drag race. Why you playing the stunt queen? Sashay away.

Vinny brought some toast with his cheese. She didn’t seem impressed though

Peter seemed quiet and nervous.

Brandon with his hipster occupation. His whole meh I didn’t watch this show just lets you know he isn’t into it. Why are you here?

Wells, if you tell somebody they are out of their league. They will start to believe it. Though bringing an acapella group is a plus.

Who are your favourites?

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