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Gutter Lips

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January 2016

MOVIES- Murder She Baked fourth installment is a go!!

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For all you Hallmark TV movie fans, Allison Sweeney announced on Twitter that work is being done on a new Murder She Baked.

The Murder She Baked movies are cheesy murder mystery movies. They’ll give you all you need to fill the hole left in your heart from when you’ve rewatched Murder She Wrote too many times.
From Chocolate Chip Mystery to Peach Cobbler Mystery, you’ll be reaching for baked goods while trying to figure out which local is responsible for the latest murder in town.

Check it out!

MOVIES- Martyrs

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Martyrs stars Pretty Little Liars’ Troian Bellisaro as Lucie, a troubled woman who believes she was kept captive and abused as a child. When she escapes her captors and all evidence of her abuse disappears. So the viewer is left wondering whether she imagined it all.

She grows up in some convent home run by and makes a friend in Anna, a fellow orphan who promises that she believes her story. Anna is played by Bailey Noble who was the fairy daughter in True Blood. The two promise to follow each other whereever they go.

The film jumps ten years and takes a disturbing turn. Is this just the concoctions of a woman with mental issues or is there something nefarious going on??
It is a simple movie but definitely keeps you guessing and is super creepy. Would you help out a friend when everything around you is saying ‘GIRL IS CRAY’??
Definitely worth a look if you are a Spencer PLL fan and a horror fan!

TELEVISION- Arrow, It’s all your fault Oliver!

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All the crazy antics of the fourth season of Arrow have got me twisted.
Felicity just got a body full of bullets and is hospitalized and I’m sorry I blame Oliver.
After years of not wanting to be with Felicity to protect her from the bad guys, Oliver proposes marriage on live television.  I mean, way to throw a target on her back.
Oliver was care free about the whole thing. He should have had armored cars and the super squad in tow. And he literally just drove in a limo unprotected. Very unlike the super paranoid Oliver we are used to.
It all made sense, keep your loved ones in the shadows because your enemies will know how to hurt you. Oliver just stomped on his sensible motives and made me question his actions.
They have been pretty dodge lately. Hiding his son from Felicity, bailing on Star City to live a normal life and hiding the fact he resurrecting his sister from his friends.

This four month jump into the future where we see somebody has died is probably Oliver’s fault too.
Sort it out Ollie.

MOVIES- What I hope to see in Cloverfield sequel!!

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In similar style to its predecessor, 10 Cloverfield Lane is scrouded in secrecy. The distant cousin of Cloverfield has us very intrigued. As a big fan, I have two things that I need to see happen in this sequel.
Two simple things that will make me fangirl wildly in the cinema.

Number one, an explanation.  In this film the lead character is unaware of the monster attack. It is perfect, she needs to be caught up and so do we. That is of course if they are linking to the events of Cloverfield. If they are, New York is clearly gone but what about the rest of the world.
This is the perfect opportunity for a catch up and explanation. Where did that creature come from?? Was it the only one?? John Goodman may have all the answers.

Number Two, scary action scenes that compete with the original. Information out at the moment is saying that the majority of the film takes place in the bunker. I want some action scenes. Cloverfield teased the creature throughout the film as they ran through New York. They escaped and avoided the beast in several spectacular sequences. I want a repeat, maybe even the little beasts that fell from the sky could enter the bunker.
I WANT CREATURES!! I am dying to see what she seen outside that bunker.

MOVIES- Return to Sender

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Next up on my venture through unknown movies is Return to Sender. This film stars Rosamund Pike famous for her role in Gone Girl and Nick Nolte.

Rosamund plays the victim of a violent rape . To regain some control in her life she starts to visit and taunt her rapist while he is in prison.

This was a surprise snore for me. It kept building to something nefarious but only began to hit those heights in the last 10 minutes. I say it began to hit when it was midway through lifting its fist it just stopped!! This does not please me. I don’t want to watch a whole film for it to really start at the end. NO!!

It had some weak nods to some of my favourite films (Misery, Hard Candy and Spit on Your Grave). I was expecting a revenge thriller and I got a slow burner with an unsatisfactory ending. The ending hints that something violent and gruesome has happened but it is so unclear you are wondering whether you missed something.

This needed a hard punch mid way through and it never came. Rosamund is well capable of preforming as a sadistic killer bent on revenge as seen on Gone Girl. Why didn’t they use those attributes and just made her phone it in??

TELEVISION- American Crime Story Season 2 ??!!

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American Crime Story hasn’t even aired yet and Ryan Murphy is already giving us hints about season 2. Murphy has said that the second season will be centred around the crime that was Hurricane Katrina. Interesting choice that had many like hmmm.

Hurricane Katrina sounds like it will be on a different level than season one. The first season will document the O.J Simpson murder trial. So what kind of crime will be committed in the proposed season 2. My thought is that it may be the government negligence towards helping people in need. Murphy could turn the tables and tell an untold story of the aftermath of Katrina.

Will it feature fictitious characters unlike the array of real characters in season 1?? Season 1 will feature characters like  O.J Simpson, Robert Kardashian and Kris Jenner but can real people be used in a Hurricane Katrina context??

 

 

MOVIES- Every Secret Thing

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I’m trying to watch films that didn’t get huge promotions but peaked my interest. I’ve so many but I unfortunately always manage to forget about them and then they fall through the cracks.

This week, I watched Every Secret Thing. It is based off an Laura Lippman book of the same name. It stars Dakota Fanning, Diane Lane and Elizabeth Banks.

The eerie film follows Dakota and  relative newcomer Danielle Macdonald after they are accused of abducting and killing a baby when they were 11. Little is known about what really happened 7 years ago. Both the girls claim innocence and never truly admit to what happened to the baby.

It is an unusual film for Banks due to its serious content. I am used to seeing her in comedies but that being said, she plays a detective dealing with a disturbing crime very well. The film twists from the past to the present. Nothing is clear until you’ve seen everything so keep a close eye and ear to your screen.

It is a definitely a hidden gem. I don’t know how this creepy tale of death and childish innocence didn’t get more accolades or a proper release. All binge watching Making a Murderer fans should give this a watch.

 

TELEVISION- The Bachelor, first impressions!!

It is that time of year when we are introduced to a bunch of women vying for the attention of one man. The Bachelor is back. Are we all ready to get our judgy hats??  I mean Ben is practically our best friend and we are only looking out for his best interests.

Here are our first impressions of the women as they exit the limo and give us a little insight into their lives!!

Lauren B- I’m sure she is always on the beach like that. Her friends look like they want to kill her and wear her skin so they can meet Ben. Not much going on with this one.

Caila- Jaysus, did she dump her boyfriend for Ben? Is that allowed? This one screams commitment issues. Imagine that convo ‘I seen Ben on T.V and now I want his D, you can watch me chase it down in January’

Jubilee- This girl has trained to beat these bitches for the win.  Shall we wait for the ‘Are you into black girls convo?’ Hopefully it will go down better than that pick up line.

Mandi- I embrace the weird equals I’m a beast in the sack. That mixed with her torturing skills as a dentist, this girl is going to destroy this poor chap.

Emily and Haley- The twins have definitely shared a man, if you know what I mean. They have a sister wives concept!! No doubt they will wear matching outfits and giggle until Ben busts his nut.

Amanda- Bets on whether Amanda will whip out a drawing from her kids to Ben. She will milk the shit out of those kids so she stays as long as possible.

Tiara-  She has a framed photograph of Ben already. This girl is bat shit crazy, how do they find these people? All those chickens, you know I am just conjuring up a ‘good with cocks’ joke.

Sam- That awkward moment when they talk about their dead dad but also show off their sickening beach body. Will she mention it when they first meet? Probably!!

Jennifer- I like this one, she seems normal! That probably means she won’t get very far. Normalcy is a bullet to the head.

Jami- She says she knows Caitlyn and we all know Caitlyn spilled the deets on that cock!! Don’t try and backtrack Jami.

Lace-  She got that kiss and was ready to bolt to the house to spill. Fame hungry! You can tell she is good friends with alcohol!! Trouble ahead.

Lauren R- Hmm, all that drunk talk and she never even said her name. Plus who admits to social media stalking!! Bye Lauren R.

Shushanna- Is she literally unable to speak English? yes that makes sense.

Leah- Good work, pretend you play ball and eloquently bend over so he gets a good look. I like this one.

Joelle- Yes Joelle, walking to him blinded by a unicorn mask makes perfect sense.

Laura- Red Velvet, smooth Laura! Real smooth!! Plus she has the unfortunate luck of wearing the same dress as somebody else. More smooth lines are needed Laura, PRONTO!!

Maegan- I like Maegan’s entrance. Plus she can blame the pony when it shits on everyone. This is a girl who knows how to play.

Jessica- Good head turn Jessica as you left for the house!! Whip that hair!!

Izzy- Izzy knew she was going to be hanging around alot tonight. Might aswell be comfy in her onsie. Smart cookie.

Rachel- Who wanted her to fall? Who??? Not much else to report on this one.

Breanne- Breanne is that bitchy neighbour who brings round food just to judge the junk you already have in your fridge.

Olivia- Ben totally wants a bit of the Olivia, he made much more of an effort with her. And I am not hating her.

LB– I hate her voice!! Remove her soon! She looks like Farrah Abraham which isn’t good. PLASTIC!

Jackie– She looks so happy to be there!! I wonder will she hashtag the first time they ride too. #BenpoundsJackie

TELEVISION- Who should join Once Upon A Time next??

With old Disney characters jumping out of the woodwork to meet the Storybrooke characters on Once Upon A Time, who should appear next?

Lilo & Stitch
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Why the hell not? Consider it a tale of revenge. With Regina looking so good lately, maybe a little reminder of the evil she was capable of would shake the show up. Maybe Snitch was a townsperson that crossed paths with Regina. She turned him into a vile creature and he killed his only daughter Lilo. He comes back and takes Henry captive. Could Regina’s evil wrongdoings come back to haunt her yet again but this time cause serious harm to Henry.
Snitch would be a welcome addition to the show joining the wild snow creatures, dragons and walking brooms that have terrorized the town in previous seasons.

Anastasia
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In her Disney appearence, Anastasia was a lost princess of the royal Romanov family. Losing memory of her royal childhood she lives the life of an orphan unaware of the riches she was entitled to.
My Once Upon A Time twist would be that she was Snow White’s older sister and was long forgotten. During her time in the enchanted forest she confronted Snow about being her sister but was cast away by Snow and imprisoned. She comes back seeking revenge. Plus it gives Ginnifer some screentime. She has been quiet far too much lately.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame
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The Hunchback would be a fun tale on the show. He could be the new big bad that is causing trouble from the clocktower. At first he would appear disguised under a cloak hiding his identity from the audience. Backstory wise, the hunchback could be character we have forgotten about. They had been put under a spell become the hunchback character with one mission in mind, destroying Storybrooke.
There have been so many unused characters on the show at the moment that this twist would be fun to get some of them at the forefront of the show.

Aladdin
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Characters from the film series Aladdin have appeared in the spin off series Once Upon A Time in Wonderland but not Aladdin himself. I think as a good twist Aladdin could be Snow’s son. An alternative reality version were he was kidnapped and forced to live in Agrabah. Aladdin makes a wish to meet his parents and travels to Storybrooke where he meets Snow and Charming.
This could be similar to CW’s The Flash where we meet alternative reality versions of the characters we have grown to love.

The Princess and the Frog
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None of the characters from The Princess and the Frog stick out for me. Something that could work well from this film is the use of Voodoo. It has never been mentioned in the show so far. Could this be a new source of power that could have been The Dark One shaking in his boots??

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